Last night I learned that my grandmother fell. She was carrying a glass of water out to the men who were painting her house when she tripped and fell and broke the glass on her arm, cutting one of her veins. I am told she also broke her foot. Because she has diabetes, the blood was flowing fast and caused imbalance in her and she was leaking blood in other places too. The doctors don't know if she has internal bleeding or not.

I have been gifted, or maybe cursed with a very vivid imagination. It's like a movie in my mind. And when I heard what had happened all I could see was my sweet grandmother bleeding all over the place, and it was a feeling of helplessness. I don't like to feel that way.

My mother told me she was leaving for Canada and all I could do was nod. All my family is so far away. It deepened the loneliness for a second, but I am slowly finding ways to be strong. As always.

Whenever I feel that way I recite a passage from one of my favourite books
"I shall not fear. Fear is the mindkiller. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will allow it to pass over and through me. When the frear has gone ther will be nothing. Only I will remain."

It is my mantra, and it helps.