Whispering Wind

No regrets. That's the mood.
I've converted to Buddhism recently. Quite a big change from being a Catholic and then an Atheist. I feel happier than I ever have been, so I suppose it is a good sign.
It looks as though I'll be spending the New Year alone on my couch watching Dick Clark or some other botoxed celebrity talk about all the things that happened in the past year. Well, everything except the celebrity part. I like to spend the New Year in meditation and reflection quietly, without the commotion of the masses.

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Still in some sort of funk. I now understand why so many babies are born in the fall due to a sense of restlessness around this time. I think I'm going insane.
Girl feelings suck. Girls are way too emotional. Do guys overanalyze every little detail of a conversation? Do they obsess about girls? Heck no. They just want food, sex, and clean laundry every now and then. Why oh why couldn't I be like that? Am I wrong? I'll tell you one thing-feeling dead inside is no fun.

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Thought I 'd put a hug on here to lighten the mood.

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What is it about the holidays that make certain people feel loved and part of a family while others feel left out and depressed? I suppose my general feeling of loneliness stems from a prodigal son syndrome. For those not familiar with the Bible, the bad son, who has sqandered his inheritance, returns, and the father celebrates. The older son, who's always been obedient, feels gipped because the horrible son is getting all the attention so he feels taken for granted.
Welcome to my world.
To take my mind off it, I've decided to start taking some sort of hobby or class, like bellydancing or take up taekwondo again. Ugghh. I need to meet guys. It's sad, but the only ones I seem to attract are the 30 year old drunks that come into the library. The 20 year old sober ones won't even glance at me.
I apologize for the bitchiness. I'm usually very optimistic. Just having a bad day I guess.

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I just thought this sculpture was beautiful. Kinda makes the feeling of the day.

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There's this latino kid on my bus who absolutely won't leave me alone. He thinks we're friends or something. He has bad b.o and doesn't ever stop talking! I am courteous to him and always civil, but he's really getting on my bad side. How do I put up a "leave me alone" barrier without hurting him? How do you let someone know that you can't stand them in any way and be Christian about it? Or Buddhist for that matter? I suppose the Christian way would be to look beyond the faults to God inside. Myself, being buddhist, I've tried to develop tolerance and patience, but inside, my thoughts betray my actions. I only hope I continue in my steadfastness in patience. And maybe make some minor adjustments in my schedule to avoid to many bumping-intos of him.
A representation of my frustration

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Finals time and I'm not doing so well in math. If I ace the final, I'll get a C, I think. A llittle late now for a tutor. Not that I have any free time to be tutored anyway. I'll just try to teach myself the chapters. That may mean some sacrifices, but I'll just have to make them.This picture makes me feel a little better, though.

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Many people go on diets after the holidays, but I'd like to think my holidays could be part of a sort of diet. I made a Boca buger in a skillet with olive oil last night and found it very satisfying. I thought "this cooking thing isn't so bad."
I've been looking at housing in Seattle lately and have found one called Beacon Hill House Intentional community. It's a good prospect. I'm also considering taking a year off school after I get an undergraduate degree to work. Is taking off a good idea? Some people extoll the merits of saving money and being ready so you won't go into debt, but I am hesitant to put something as important as education on hold. It's something to ponder.

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