Whispering Wind

My day is certainly shaping up to be a pleasure! Just before I leave the house my mom slips egg rolls into my bag. She's so sweet sometimes. I think I really will miss her this next month.
All the sweetness is partially due to the fact that since I've graduated, I've been home for no more than a couple hours at a time. My schedule is very busy, and I like to keep it that way. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Besides, it gives her more time to deal with my little sister's issues. And she has a lot of them. Teenagers these days... :shock:
I'm still reading Welcome to the Monkey House by Vonnegut. It's the third book by him that I've read and I really love it. They always make me laugh. (His stories). I'd probably have to say he's second only to Wilde as far as my favorite authors go.

Tea Party pic of Jeff Martin down below- bono vox Jeff

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The sky is blue, I feel so much better, and vagabond season is right around the corner!

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Thanks for inspiring us- We will miss you.

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It's that time of year again-and I'm packed.
I silently congratulated myself as I fit 2 weeks worth of things in my old tkd bag. There are some benefits to being a no ties bohemian after all.:wink: I am ready to fly. I am ready for new things. I have a new tent and my eyes want to fall on new faces, new places. I want new smells, new tastes. I 'm looking forward to seeing the ocean again. It's fun to look down at the salty soup and think that I crawled out of it only a couple million years ago.

[b][b]Hello[/b] world![/b] Remember me?

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I do this only for my amusement folks-

Movie: About Adam

Book: The Monkey House by Kurt Vonnegut

Music: The Strokes

Color: Red

Language: French

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[b][u]The Cat[/u][/b]

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving 20 blocks from the house and leaving the cat at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He let the beast out of the car and headed home.

Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat further and further, but the feline would always beat him home. At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, cross the bridge,
then right again, and make another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.

Hours later, the man calls home: "Is the cat there?"

"Yes," the wife answers, "why do you ask?"

Frustrated, the man answers, "Put that son-of-a-bitch on the phone, I'm lost and need directions."

(Thanks to j for this one! )

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Apparently there was an earthquake last night at about one in the morning very near my house and I slept right through it. It was only a 4.5, though, so that doesn't suprise me. I've gotten bigger shakes from semi trailers going down the street. I didn't realize we had a fault so close. I though the nearest one was the New Madrid, but maybe it was a sub fault or something.

Uggh-pain. The womb is a very small organ, but why does it cause me so much pain?!? Whine Whine Whine..:)

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[b]I like this~[/b]

Love and Death once ceased their strife
At the Tavern of Man's Life.
Called for wine, and threw -- alas! --
Each his quiver on the grass.
When the bout was o'er they found
Mingled arrows strewed the ground.
Hastily they gathered then
Each the loves and lives of men.
Ah, the fateful dawn deceived!
Mingled arrows each one sheaved;
Death's dread armoury was stored
With the shafts he most abhorred;
Love's light quiver groaned beneath
Venom-headed darts of Death.

Thus it was they wrought our woe
At the Tavern long ago.
Tell me, do our masters know,
Loosing blindly as they fly,
Old men love while young men die?

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This morning my clock radio goes off. I have it set to NPR just beacause their voices are always so calming. And what greets my ears the first thing in the morning but reports of a bomb going off in Turkey and killing 3 americans. What a way to wake up.

So I wore my army pants to work today in commemeration. The army sure has some weird sizes. They're a small and are still quite roomy on me. Actually they're about the most comfortable pants I own. Paired with my Converse I am very comfy today.

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Well the water is finally gone from my room. And I painted the walls black. It's wonderful actually, and not gothic at all. It's very cave-y and I like it. So there. If anything, it just makes it more urban. Hopefully the smell of my smudging has gone away. My sister said it smelled like pot, but how can sage smell like pot? It's SAGE. sheesh. haha. off to work I go.

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I thought I could remain detached at the wake, just be there because I had to support my sister. But no luck. The emotional charge in that place was so strong that it made me almost sick to my stomach. Everytime someone would walk past me I was overwhelmed with the emotion that was following them around like a bad smell. I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.

Luckily, we didn't stay long. I felt so empty after being around all those unbalanced people. I need a holiday from all the emotional vampires that seem to be around.

On a related note, I had the strangest dream last night. Topher, the kid who died, rose! We were at the wake just like we had been, except in my dream I was near the front, and an older lady with blond hair was sobbing and bent down to kiss his forhead, but she slipped, and squeezed his nose and put a hand on his chest. Suddenly his eyebrows rose and his eyes opened. He sat up and they pulled him out of the coffin. Everybody screamed with joy and ran toward the coffin like people run to the stage at a concert. They did something to him behind the coffin. (I didn't see) and then he got back in the coffin and leaned out and shook people's hands. Everyone was happy. Then I woke up suddenly and it took me a good 5 minutes before I realized that it was a dream. I really thought for a while that that was what really happened and I was just remembering. The funny thing was, it seemed so normal to me, even after I woke up.
What the hell was my subconscious trying to tell me?

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I have to go to that kid's wake this afternoon, which causes me to wonder- what is the point of a wake? It's a corpse. It's not the person. Whoever the person was was in the chemicals in their brain that made up their personality. The person ceased to exist as soon as the body stopped animating itself.

I think putting a body on display is a little morbid and wholy unnessessary.

People have such a strange way of dealing with death.

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No more rain- for at least now. I had to move upstairs again because there was water actually pouring down my walls in the basement. It took two canisters full of water of the Shop Vac for it to be somewhat dry. And now I have to touch up the paint wherever it leaked. I should have used oil based instead of latex. And I'll have to smudge down there because it smells like a dungeon again. Grr. I wish summer would just start and be hot and not rainy.
I woke up at 6 this morning because of the sun. I'm so used to waking up in the dark. I do like the fact that now I have moved my tv, cd player, and clock radio downstairs that the only electronic thing in my winter bedroom is the lights. The lack of things with wires all over the place makes the room feel more like a refuge and less cluttered. It's more esoteric, and that's my style. At least for the winter.
Summer is a different story. I have a very urban sensibilty in the summer. Which reminds me, I have to pop by my favorite shop and pick up some clothes for vacation. I'll have to be careful though. Money seems to slip through my fingers.

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Every muscle is begging me to rest. I'm so tired. I should have eaten more for lunch. Good thing work ends in 45 min.

And still it pours. It's like the earth saw how ugly it had become and tried to wash it all away and start over.

Well, it can't rain all the time.

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Yes here they are again-

Movie- The Guru

Music- Tea Party

Book- Something by Buddha

Color- Brown

Language- Hindi

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Rain again-

But its a cozy rain. It makes everything here feel more comfortable. The sky is very dark for this time of day, and it makes me wonder if we'll have tornadoes.

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Time does not exist here
There are no seconds so stop trying to count them
We do not grow because we should
We are not becase we ought
We grow because we can
We are because we are
There is only life
You cannot measure life
It never stops and never begins
Yes, even the mosquito is beautiful
I am trying to love you
Listen and feel

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I had to get away from death- so I found myself in a nearby forest. A secluded spot on the highest point afforded me adequate rest, and a strange stillness I had not felt in a long time. I sat there and listened to silence, and found it wasn't really silence at all, but the sound of life.

My muse visited me there and I wrote in a way I haven't written for some time.

I hate to use cliches, but it really was one of those defining moments. My outlook has changed a bit. It's a good change. It was time for a change anyway. This world makes me too cynical. Every now and then I have to just leave and go somewhere pure and real.

I am renewed, and alive!

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A kid I graduated with was in a cement truck accident the other day. It flipped and threw him 100 yards. He was in a coma yesterday, a hole ripped in his aorta. Now he's dead.

I'm not quite sure what to think, or feel. If I can feel anything at all. He was one of the jocks, so I didn't really know him well, but I still feel somehow numb. Like he's not really dead, just off somewhere else.

If fate does exist, and he was meant to die, was the little he did all he was ever meant to accomplish? Why would someone even live for that little? My goal of living to be 120 seems a very steep one indeed now. It almost seems selfish to live that long. I don't know anymore..

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ok, I like these quizzes. They haven't been wrong so far. This even kinda looks like me.


FROZEN QUEEN/ KING
You dont want love to come through to you. You like
it the way you are. To be unreachable, no need
to show feelings. Hiding everything inside you.
You are already used to it. You say yourself
that you dont need anyone, that you stand on
your own two feet or that you dont have time
for these things. But in reality you are scared
to get hurt. You feel safe where you are: by
yourself, nobody can hurt you there. You
invent your own relationship in your dreams.
You just need to know that you COULD get a
partner.
Thats it.


~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need? With PICS! For girls and boys!~
brought to you by Quizilla

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Lord of the Rings!


What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla

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I work Mon-Thurs and I am soo listless on Friday and Saturday. All my old "high school buddies" are not worth calling because they're rich and boring. So now I'm deciding which activity to sign up for at the health club downtown- Capoeira, or Pilates. I miss Taekwondo so much anymore, but I've gone as far as I can go. I think I'll check out the Capoeira class tonight and see if it has a good instructor. For people who do not know what capoeira is~
http://www.capoeira.com/" title="http://www.capoeira.com/" target="_blank"http://www.capoeira.com/

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I've been putting off calling my uncle to tell him I'm going to have a party at the lake, and now I really have to call because it's tomorrow. There is so much I have to do! Why must I do everything? All my old friends are so unimaginative. Go to the mall, go to the movies. They still act like they're in high school.

Oh-sunblock. That's what I forgot on my list. I'm so afraid of burning. Five minutes and I'm toast. I still remember how me and Justin looked like yin and yang side by side. :) But I'm not giving myself any credit. He is Saudi Arabian after all. Egghh. Not talking about him any more.

The psychic lady wasn't open yesterday after work. I was all psyched too. Maybe I'll swing by today. I peeked inside and it looked like an ordinary house, but the place just [i]felt[/i] strange. A good strange. I'm looking forward to going back.

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I stubbed my foot. It kills. I'm going to ice this sucker before it swells. I have to work tomorrow after all.

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There is a [b]lot [/b]of caffeine in Red Bull. I have a thing for that stuff. It makes me work harder. It's bad for me, I know, but I have a practice that I let myself have something everyday that may not be the best for me ( a la chocolat, or red bull), because it makes me happy. I would much rather have pleasure instead of stressing about every little crumb I eat.
Plus I have this great metabolism, so it doesn't matter anyway!

Work's over, off to Madame read-my-future-for-10-buc ks. :)

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On some strange impulse I've decided to go to a psychic today and have my tarot done. I'v never really believed in it, more as entertainment value, but something tells me that what she'll say might suprise me. I'm assuming it'll be a she. They almost always are. But a guy might be interesting. Come to think of it, I've never seen a guy psychic. I wonder if they even exist.
It's not expensive and right down the boulevard so I think I'll throw caution to the wind and have a little fun with my future.

Popped in the movie "Hair" last night. I love that movie. Maybe it's my hippie roots, but they seem so much more full of life than the people I used to hang out with. I'd love to just run over to the park with someone and lie on a blanket all day and run around not caring what others thought.

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Well I changed the header. No crap. I think I got this one because I can just see Jim in my mind on the edge of the building shouting "I am the Lizard King" and teetering precariously, like he always did. It makes me smile to think of his carefree soul.

There I go getting wistful. Bad habit.

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Geez. I am a library cling-on. I'm back at work working on a paper on why some library board should award me a prize for being such a good worker. Maybe I could impress them if I showed them my skill with knowing a composer for almost every letter of the alphabet. That's what I get for putting them in order so often.

It's always those rickety old men who stumble in and want mozart or chopin but don't know what symphony, and then mess the whole section up. Job security, I guess.

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And again-it is raining.

Last night was my best friend's birthday.
I met my replacement.
Her name is Colleen. I think she's nice, and way more suited to Jess than I ever was. She's conservative and without experience and a follower. They're two of a kind.
But it was awkward nonetheless.
But hey, it's ok with me. That part of my life is over.

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I kinda like my header as it is now, but I have money to spend. What do you think- the way it is now, or that header in the store that looks like trees?

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Yep, here they are again. Not nessessarily recent, but just stuff I like right now. Looks like a dark week for me.

Movie: The Crow

Book: Slaughterhouse Five

Music: Tea Party

Color: Black

Language: Hungarian

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Another grey day. Although my department doesn't have any windows, I still feel the grey. If that makes sense.

The one day I wear my silk sari to work it rains and leaves little water spots all over. Hmmph. Well I'm whining. They're not that obvious.

I had the weirdest dream. I was at the electrocution execution of two people I used to go to school with. They weren't scared but I was rigid with anticipation. :wink: No wonder I woke up sore all over.

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My family all have their problems and all at once and don't care about me. They're just emotionally dumping on me today. My mom about her mom, my sister about her stupid boyfriends. (She has no idea how to act calmly). And do they care about me holding up through their onslaught? No. Of course not. And of course I crawl off to a dark corner and cry, then get a headache from crying, then catch myself talking to a cricket who seems to be trying to cheer me up with his music.
Ughh. For a day that was beautiful outside, it sure was a rough one.
But I've rented a movie with Val Kilmer in it and made some chocolate covered chex and I feel much better.

And by the way, crickets are amazing musicians! I swear Beethoven must have stolen all his best works from a cricket. I have a newfound love for them after today.

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Since I work in the Art and Music department of my city's library, I peek in many books about classical music. I saw a funny quote today.

"Opera is where a man gets stabbed, and instead of dying, sings about it."

I also realized today that Liszt was the sexiest composer ever. But that's a given, because he's Hungarian. I seem to have a weakness for Hungarian and Turkish guys lately. Hmm.

Anyone else have a nationality they favor?

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No wonder I had such a hard time waking up this morning. It's one of those days where it rains like hell all day long. This makes me wonder if I will be able to deal with Seattle's rainy days after I move.

On a different subject, I've been browsing around checking out other blogs and someone had like 200 tbucks, (or so they said) and that made me wonder, HOW DO YOU GET 200 TBUCKS? Does this person have a computer wired into their brain? Eiigghhh. That gives me chills. I like my brain the way it is thank you very much.

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On the subject of men of the stage-
My blurb on rock gods-
The greatest examples (in my opinion) of masculinity-

1. Jim Morrison~the unrivaled poet, shaman soul

2. Robert Plant~(of Led Zepplin) the shirtless Adonis


Whew--I need a cold shower.

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My sister asked me if I could have been a groupie for any hair band of the 80s who would I have done.

I said Sebastian Bach.

Definately.




Those of you with eyes may have noticed the color change. I just thought red and black were too played out, so my third favorite color is green. Army-ish, I know, but I like it. So there.

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Which is better, chocolate or sex? I can't decide.

Hmmm. Chocolate [i]and [/i]sex.

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I watched an Italian film last night called Il Mostro. (The Monster) It was one of the funniest things I have seen in a while. Roberto Benigni is one of my favourite foreign actors. He has the comic sensibility of Buster Keaton and Chaplin, with the timing of Ben Stiller. It's nice to see something that doesn't have to have hollywood smeared all over it.

(Plus, Europeans have much less scruples over the content, so I get to see the movie as an expression of art and life, not a censored entertainment substitute.)

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"President Bush fell off his mountain bike down on his ranch in Texas. A couple weeks ago, John Kerry fell off his bicycle. See, doesn't this make you miss President Clinton? That guy, he could ride anything without falling off."

I just had to put it. A little humour always brightens my day.

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Last night I learned that my grandmother fell. She was carrying a glass of water out to the men who were painting her house when she tripped and fell and broke the glass on her arm, cutting one of her veins. I am told she also broke her foot. Because she has diabetes, the blood was flowing fast and caused imbalance in her and she was leaking blood in other places too. The doctors don't know if she has internal bleeding or not.

I have been gifted, or maybe cursed with a very vivid imagination. It's like a movie in my mind. And when I heard what had happened all I could see was my sweet grandmother bleeding all over the place, and it was a feeling of helplessness. I don't like to feel that way.

My mother told me she was leaving for Canada and all I could do was nod. All my family is so far away. It deepened the loneliness for a second, but I am slowly finding ways to be strong. As always.

Whenever I feel that way I recite a passage from one of my favourite books
"I shall not fear. Fear is the mindkiller. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will allow it to pass over and through me. When the frear has gone ther will be nothing. Only I will remain."

It is my mantra, and it helps.

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On this day in 1943, the battle of Midaway was won by our troops against the Japanese.

Oh yeah, and Prince was born.

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Back at work again- I really like these computers better. So much faster! Then again, I cringe to think of all the people that touch them on a day to day basis and I won't even start thinking about where their hands have been!
There's a cute little bottle of hand sanitizer in the staff room of my department, so I always make a point to use some after each time I use these computers. Filthy but fast. Who knew?

Side note-there are A LOT of good looking guys that come to the library in the mornning. You'd think they would be still in bed. A lot of them carry around good reads too. My fantasy would be a guys carrying around The Picture of Dorian Grey by Oscar Wilde, but that will never happen. And break's over. Why does my free time just seem to dissappear?

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Picks of the week AKA things that I like right now


Movie: Men With Brooms


Music: Tarkan


Book: Helter Skelter


Color:White


Language: Turkish

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Have you ever had the feeling that you were waiting for something to happen but you weren't sure what? It's like I'm stuck. But I can't see what's holding me back. I just wish that whatever it is that's making me feel this way would just get over and happen already. I guess the feeling is like those horses get in those little metal cages they put them in right before the start of the race. It's that pit of your stomach dread. Oh great there I've gone again, rambling on about absolutely nothing.

On a completely related subject, I am lonely.

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Don't you hate when you get one of those half assed headaches that is there but isn't really?

Thank you Karen (yes I know it was you) :D for stopping on by. Welcome to my world. And yes I have defeated the mold!!! My urban dwelling is back up and running. It's so much nicer to wake up at 11 on the weekends and not be bothered by those crazy robins at 3 in the morning when they suddenly get the idea that they are roosters and that now their goal in life is to be my personal alarm clock.

That being said, the sun is setting and it is time for me to prowl. And so I go to pounce on a sandwich.

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Tonight I battle the mold that has kept me from my cave! I have a feeling that it will be that- a battle. There is no war for me to win. I guess that's part of the joys of having an old house. Dungeon basements inhospitible to people. Oh well-[b]Battle![/b]

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Velcome to my castle.. One two tree, ahh haa haa haa. Ok, bad impression of count von count from sesame street, but what else from a show named after a bread?

Seriously, though, welcome, feel free to post your thoughts because this is the only place to find me on the web as I detest AIM. Check back often for updates as I tend to post more than once a day. Tell me what's going on, college, etc....

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Ok, had to do it. Here's my little blurb about Kerry and why you should vote for him.

1. George W. Bush has chosen tax cuts for the wealthy and special favors for special interests over our economic future. John Kerry has a plan to rebuild our future, starting with 3 million jobs in his first 500 days – and a plan to ensure that workers can achieve the American Dream in our changing economy.

2. What does it gain America to win a war and lose a peace? The Bush failures will cost us dearly in the months ahead, in an Iraq consumed with suspicion, resentment and continued violence. What’s needed now is leadership – to finish the job in Iraq the right way – because America can and must do better.

3. We shouldn’t be opening firehouses in Baghdad and closing them in Brooklyn. America’s homeland security needs to take steps as big as the threats we face – and give our front lines the resources they need. John Kerry has a six-point plan to ensure that we are safer, stronger, and more secure on our own soil.

4. We owe it to our families, our communities, and to our planet to elect a president who will unapologetically pursue our environmental values. Unlike the Bush Administration, where special interests rule and the environment suffers, a Kerry Administration will build its policies around citizens’ needs and aspirations.


I could go on for days. But mainly, because BUSH IS A LIAR!!!!! Ok, I promise no more politics. AT least not for a while.

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My bedroom in the basement smelt funny last night after the rains so I started peeling away the paint where it was bubbling. Black mold. Eiggghh. I don't care how organic I may live my life, there are some aspects of the earth that are best left to the earth. I moved upstairs for the night. I kept hoping I hadn't inhaled spores of that freaky flesh eating fungus I've seen on tv.I'd like to keep my face.
I had a dream I was in jail for stealing. It was a weird jail where we made protest signs and ran laps and entered a dungeonlike area by a series of concrete slides. I guess that's what I get for watching Tomb Raider and Daniel before bed.
I woke up to sun today. I haven't felt the sun for many days ( at least in the morning, and it reminded me that I was alive.
It's perfect outside. If I get the time, I might go to the park. I haven't been there since I was a kid, even though it's only a few blocks away.

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Here's where I start this thing, this weird pseudo diary that pretty much only I will read. I think I'm starting it because I've graduated from high school last week, and feel like if I don't write down what happens next, it may happen so fast that even I won't realize it's happened until it's too late. But yes, mainly this is just for me. For my sanity, or insanity, however you look at it. My parents think that computers are like cars and that you're stuck with the one you have. Well they've had theirs since 1998 and it's about dead. I have to use the public access computers at the library. At least they are fast. And I work at the library, so my breaktimes are spent working on this. At least initially. And now my break is over. 15 minutes is no where near enough time to think.

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